FEELING OLDER TODAY?

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change  
things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a 
list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of that 
year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's (1999) list:

1. The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were 
born in 1981.
2. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and did not know 
he had ever been shot.
3. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.
4. There has been only one Pope. They can only really remember one
president.
5. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the 
Cold War.
6. They have never feared a nuclear war. "The Day After" is a pill to them, 
not a movie.
7. They are too young to remember the Challenger blowing up, and Tiananmen 
Square means nothing to them.
8. Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
9. Atari pre-dates them, as do vinyl albums.
10. The expression "you sound like a broken record" means nothing to them.
They have never owned a record player.
11. They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.
12. There were always red M&Ms, and blue ones are not new. What do you mean 
there used to be beige ones?
13. They may have heard of an 8-track, but chances are they probably never 
have actually seen or heard one.
14. The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1 year old.
15. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents.
16. They have always had an answering machine
17. Most never saw a TV with only 13 channels. They never 
saw black-and-white TV. They always had cable.
18. There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA is.
19. They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
20. They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.
21. Roller-skating has always meant inline for them.
22. The Tonight Show has always been with Jay Leno.
23. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
24. Popcorn has always been cooked in a microwave.
25. They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a 
football player.
26. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
27. They have no idea Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
28. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
29. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
30. They never heard the terms: "Where's the beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a 
Camel," or "de plane, de plane!"
31. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is.
32. The Titanic was found? I thought we always knew where it was.
33. Michael Jackson has always been white.
34. Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not groups.
35. McDonald's never came in styrofoam containers.
36. There has always been MTV.
37. Steve Austin is a wrestler, not the 6 Million Dollar Man.

Contributed: Dr Wim Baarschers

Lawn Mower "Blues" * 

******************************************* 
One warm sunny day in June a preacher, Rev Harry Jones, took out his bike to 
make his weekly round of visits to his shut-ins. He came upon a little boy 
trying to sell a lawn mower. "How much do you want for the mower?" 
asked the pastor. 


"I'm just trying to make enough money to buy a bicycle," said the 
little boy. After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will 
you take my bike in trade for it?" 


The boy said excitedly, "You got a deal." 


The preacher took the mower and tried to crank it. He pulled on the 
string a few times with no response. He called the young lad over and 
said, "I can't get this mower to start." 


After a few moments in thought, the youngster answered, "As that 
mower has a stubborn streak, you have to give it a good cussing 
before it will fire up." 


The holy one with some pomposity explained, "As a minister of the 
United Church of Canada, I can't cuss. Besides having been a 
preacher for so many years, I just don't remember how to swear." 


The little boy looked at him happily and said: 

"Just keep pulling on that string . . . It'll come back to ya!" 

BEWARE OF CONFESSIONS

Three clergy persons, Pastor Strange of the 
Pentecostal Assemblies, Sister Angela of 
the Roman persuasion, Cannon Fodder of 
an Anglican Deanery met by coincidence 
on a long train trip. 

The three of them shared an old-fashioned 
railway compartment which they had all to 
themselves 

At first they made a few mundane remarks 
about the weather. But as the conversation 
developed they discussed the short 
comings of their various ecclesiastical 
establishments. 

As level of thrust developed, their 
conversation became deeply personal. 

The preacher revealed of being a closet 
alcoholic with a chronic drinking problem. 

The Pastor confessed that he was an 
chronic "womanizer" as he couldn't keep 
his hands off them. 

That put the pressure on the third one in 
"holy orders" to reveal the deep dark 
secrets lapses from goodness.. 

With great hesitation the pious sister 
declared, "My greatest personal problem is 
gossiping. 

"What's more, I cannot get out of here fast 
enough to tell my all friends!"

Contributed: Rev B Lee

***********************************************

Ann Landers: Church bulletin bloopers!

Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The rosebud on the altar today is to announce the birth of David  Alan Smith, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Smith.

Wednesday, the Ladies' liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put me in my little bed", accompanied by the pastor.

Thursday, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

This being Easter Sunday, we ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

The scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The eight-graders will be performing Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a new nursery.

Eight new choir robes are urgently needed, due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.

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